Anyone who knows me is aware of the following things:
I'm skinny
I have curly hair
I love to drink
and
I HATE CATCALLS!!!
Any woman who has spent more than 3 days in NYC is familiar with the problem. You're walking down the street and some guy decides to make an unwelcome remark about your body, the expression on your face or what you happen to be eating at the time.
The first time I encountered this form of idiocy was when I moved to my beloved Washington Ave in Brooklyn. Hot summer days often leave me yearning for ice cream or fruit Popsicles. You know, the ones at the bodega? I prefer the strawberry ones, but I digress.
Walking down the street I would hear some guy yell out, "Can I have some?" WTF?!?!? That's annoying. What does he want from me? Am I supposed to be impressed by his witty sense of humor? At this point I'm annoyed, and I keep walking. A block later another guy says to me, "smile!" Are you kidding?!?! Do you say that to the 250lb dude who walks down the block with an ice grill, or is it just me who has to have a pleasant look on my face?
I tried to talk to some of my guy friends about it and the only thing they could say is that the "Can I have some?" line is a joke. Oh, really? Then they say, "It could be worse. They might not say anything at all." And therein lies the problem. These guys think that it's a way to compliment a woman and show her that they think she's fine. If she doesn't react with a smile or some sort of giggle than she's a stuck up b!tch.
Fellas, believe it or not, I don't need you to tell me I'm fine. I am not so insecure that I need constant reminders that you could "do me." Especially when I'm walking down the street thinking about the health of my friends' mothers (love you Jackie and Tiff!) or how the hell I'm going to finish all the reading for my Digital Communications class.
Overall there's a time and a place for everything and the same goes for compliments. You give them like you would a present to your mother - a woman you respect. Do you throw it at her as she's walking down the sidewalk? "Hey ma! Happy Mother's Day! Here's a cake for ya!" SPLAT!! or do you sit her down, talk to her and let her know that she's special and you appreciate her?
For the ladies, I've found a couple of sites that help you cope with the "joys" of being a woman walking down the street in NYC.
The Street Harassment Project - This site actually provides flyers for women to give to unwanted "sidewalk suiters."
Holla Back New York - Women post pictures of men who make unwanted comments and advances to them on the street.
Overall I like what Judy Brown wrote in her 6/18 guest blog post on Holla Back, "I don’t believe that guys on the street hollering at women believe they’re going to get a date: it’s definitely about entitlement, if not harassment."
I think she's right. Back when I was on Washington Ave, I naively thought that I had to have a good sense of humor about the unwanted advances. "I'm down," I would think, "I have a sense of humor." It wasn't until one of the local vagrants (read "crackheads") decided to harass me as I walked down my street. Reaching my block I realized that I didn't want this guy to know where I lived, so I ducked into my corner bodega. Almost immediately, the guys who worked there chased him away yelling, "You leave her alone! She's a good girl!" It was the first time that I realized that I didn't have to put up with the bullsh!t!
Unfortunately, the next time I had an unwelcome comment was in that same bodega (but not by the same guys). This man would always blow a kiss at me whenever I walked into the bodega and say hello. I didn't like it because I just wanted to be treated like a regular customer.
This particular day I was looking for some Vitamin Water, but they did not have any. I was annoyed, because it was the third store I had been in. He said, "What are you looking for, mami?"
"Vitamin Water," I replied, "You don't have any?"
He said, "No, but I have some vitamins for you." He grabbed his crotch.
I glared at him with a stare that would stop the heart.
He said, "Why are you looking at me like that, mami?"
I yelled at him, "Don't talk to me like that!" I have a deep voice so it was boomin'!
He was shocked because I was normally very respectful when I walked into the store.
Needless to say he never bothered me again.
That day I had the choice of being treated like I was "pretty" or like I was respected. Obviously, I opted for respect.
Love,
Brooklynslim
3 comments:
Very well said--I've seen this kind of behavior and as a male find it as annoying as you do. WTF are these guys thinking when they do this? And to dismiss it as "joking" or some form of complimenting a woman is an insidious form of rationalizing that somehow supposedly "makes it okay" (and helps maintain hegemonic stereotypes of the roles of women and men that help keep women subordinate). --Shawn
Thanks for this post. I absolutely cannot stand catcalls. I agree that it's an expression of entitlement, for men to just show off their "manhood" and claim women as "theirs." The absolute worst is when I see men do it in front of their young sons, allowing the cycle to continue. Thanks for vocalizing this. I hope more men read it!
In general, I try to avert my gaze. However, some catcalls are so idiotic and zoo-like that I just have to laugh. But perhaps I am compliment starved...
The most disturbing catcalls are the lewd ones I received when I was pregnant. While any other catcall could easily roll off my back – these comments were so violating they would bother me all day. These comments were so disrespectful to me, my husband, and unborn child that they amounted to full-on harassment. There is really nothing funny about it and it makes you wonder what is wrong with these men.
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